Teacher And Student

Teacher : Why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

Student : You told me to do it without using tables...
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Two students were fighting at the school... A teacher ask one of them..

Teacher: Why are you fighting?

Student : This fool left the answer sheet blank...

Teacher: So what?

Student: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied...

Girls At Aged....

What is the difference between girls aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story...

At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed...

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed...

At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed...

At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed...

At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!

Wrong Question At Wrong Time

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .

Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:-Don't u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
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2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...

Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.. ...why don't you try again.
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3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...

Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?
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4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question:-Is ! the "Paneer butter Masala" dish good??

Answer:-No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.
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5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...

Stupid Question:- Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.

Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself
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6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...

Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.
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7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...

Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not.You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.
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8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...

Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
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Things Go Better With....

An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction, and went down. Few weeks later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane.

They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals. They walkedup to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.

The Chief said, "Yeah.." When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi." The rescue crew were shocked.

One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi."

Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi."

After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, "Did you..you know...eat their...ah, err, 'things'?"

The chief said, "No."

"No?" asked the rescuer.

"No," replied the Chief. "Things go better with Coke."

BASTARD

GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.

PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: .....Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: .....Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!