Funniest on Life

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.
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Marriage is a threering circus: Engagement RING, wedding RING, and suffeRING.
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For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake.
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There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before marriage and after marriage.
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Why were hurricanes usually named after women? Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
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The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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The reason congressmen try so hard to get reelected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
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John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly. "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath John said, "I do!"
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A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy What do you think I should do?"
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"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
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